Anti-Valentine's Day Poetry Competition

Thanks to everyone who entered our Anti-Valentine's Day poetry competition. We got many fantastic entries. Read the winning entry below, along with some other select poems. Keep your quills sharp for next year's competition!

2009 Winner

But

Now You used to send me flowers, but now, it would appear,
That you no longer bother with such affectations, dear.
You used to buy me chocolates, gift wrapped in golden foil,
But now I don't get chocolates, or anything, at all.

You used to bring me fine champagne, the bucket packed with ice,
But now, it's half a bitter and you shudder at the price.
You used to know my fragrance, you recognized perfume,
But now you wouldn't notice it if I sprayed the entire room.

You used to remember my birthday, you used to remember my name,
You used to think a date with me more special than a game.
And if we had to be apart, you'd call me every day,
But now you never bother, as there's nothing left to say.

But wait

I used to do my hair for you; I used to wear nice clothes,
I'd teeter on stiletto heels, do you remember those?
I used to listen when you talked; I used to call you 'honey',
I loved to cook you three course meals, and all your jokes were funny.

I used to book surprise nights out, I used to iron your shirts,
I valued your opinion, I could never see you hurt.
I used to rub your aching back; I used to hold your hand,
I went to concerts with you, just to see your favourite band.

I used to text you messages I knew would make you smile,
You always were my valentine, my best boy, by a mile.
We used to have such happy times, I'm sure you would agree,
But now, I see, I can't blame you, unless, I too, blame me.

Sparkler, 09/02/09

================================

Runners up:

Jerusalem for cynics

And did those cards, in ancient time,
Mount up on England’s landfill site?
And will the card shop shareholders
Be toasting big profits tonight?
And did that drunken youth divine
Declare his love, so deep and true –
That he could not recall, the next day
When he asked “Who are you?”

Bring me my pen, of poison ink,
Brink me my notepad full of spite,
Bring me a flagon full of drink,
To imbibe on my own tonight,
As I will not be going out,
No one will ever invite me,
I’ll be alone again, there’s no doubt
In Valentine’s misery.

With sincere apologies to Messrs Blake and Elgar

-----

Fourteenth of Feb,
Almost a year to the day,
That the love of my life,
Turned out to be gay.

2008 Winner

Some milkshakes come with straws for two.
Some parks are made for skipping through.
Some views are made for sighing over.
Some folks hold hands in fields of clover.
It's Valentine's Day - know what I'll do?
I'll celebrate being over you.

I hate you, you're icky, you're like an old leech.
I hate you, you look like a whale that is beached.
Your ego's the one thing about you that's great.
You're so crap in bed I'd rather, er, read a good book.
I hate you, you think you're so gorgeous and cool
But you surely crawled from a defective gene pool.
You're a moaner, a droaner, a grouch bag, a whinger -
You've even got pubes that are luminous ginger.

Some people are jolly, they greet you with smiles
And not just a grimace because of their piles.
Some people are grown ups and treat others well.
Some people don't send out a god-awful smell.
Some people show kindness and love without end -
These people are all of my favourite friends.
It's Valentine's Day - so we'll throw a great bash:
I'll stop dating old bangers - just eat them with mash!

Anna Morgan

2007 Winner

Do they have a day each year,
Where they serve tee-total people beer?
Each year, do they take the chance,
To humiliate the injured by having a dance?
Once in every solar path,
Do they point at the unfunny and laugh?
When twelve months have passed them unawares,
Do they give free money to millionaires?
When a whole year has gone by again,
Do they hand out umbrellas when there is no rain?

No.

But, once a year they group and mingle,
In a concerted effort to humiliate the single.
They buy each other chocolates and flowers,
And stare at each other for hours. And hours.
The worst thing, when push comes to shove,
Is that they get rewarded for being in love!
As if love wasn’t reward enough –
Being single on Valentines’ day is tough!

So to help me circumvent my Valentine’s rage,
Give me and five others some mash and sausage.
GeeJayGee (17/01/07)